Late Night Thoughts

Have you ever felt afraid to fall in love?

I think that’s exactly what i feel right now. It just feels so tired when you have to fall in love over and over again but actually he wasn’t your destiny. I was a typical girl who always seeking for attention of love, i always wanted to be loved by someone. Why? simply just because attention or caring from friends is totally different with the attention or caring from your boyfriend. This sounds stupid but i think the only reason why i really need a boyfriend just because i need a place to lean on. Yes, i need a home. Life seems so hard when you face it alone but if you have a boyfriend it doesn’t really hard because your focus has just moved to your lovely ones and also you have a place to share your thoughts. As the time goes by, i feel this is not right because when i feel that i’m strong enough to stand by myself i don’t really think i still need them and my feeling suddenly just gone like they wasn’t there from the very beginning. I feel bad for them and also for me. But you know, when i fall in love i definitely fall in love to the deep, i always thought that all of them were my destiny that unfortunately were not hahaha. Then, i back to the phase when my heart feels empty, seeking for someone’s to live inside. Now, i’m tired and afraid to fall in love again. I just don’t wanna get the painful effect and i don’t wanna hurt someone’s feeling as well that’s why i decided to take care of my heart so it won’t drown to the deep. Is that okay? Will i get better?